You'll Also Love: Birth Stories - Milo's Surrogate Birth Story That would have been a lot better for me than what came next. Ask questions like, "how are you feeling?" and "what can I do to help?" It's really that simple. But if this is the case, I'd look at this moment as a good opportunity to listen to your child, to find out what they need. As parents, you might find it confusing or surprising, and that's fine. When a child is coming out, it should be prideful, happy. My mother had been crying, too - her face, tear-stained.Īgain, I wouldn't recommend this as an approach to the coming out experience. When I finally saw my father, he was crying with his head hanging. I awkwardly moved around the house, alone with my own thoughts. I can also tell you that actively not talking to your son or daughter during an extremely sensitive and vulnerable moment is the easiest way to make a human being feel like the loneliest person in the world. It's not comforting to immediately feel like you've done something wrong, simply because you've made the decision to feel comfortable in your own skin. If you have a child who is coming out to you, I wouldn't recommend this. "If your son or daughter comes out to you, please listen. My mother told me to leave my father alone, because he didn't want to talk. When I woke up later, I realized that it was going to be uncomfortable.
What To Do: Let Your Child Talk, And Be There to Listen That's not what I needed back then, but what actually happened wasn't ideal. Nowadays, you can see some really charming - and sometimes cringey - coming out stories on social media, complete with supportive parents choking back tears that eventually flood their face. I'm going back to bed." He went completely silent and left the room. I then drifted back to sleep, but not before my dad shook me again and said, "Kevin, what the f-k is this? Are you gay? If you're gay you can tell me."įrustrated, mostly because I was trying to sleep, I slurred, "Fine, I'm gay. I was still sleeping when he did this, because he sometimes kept odd hours, and he shook me awake and said "what is this?"Ĭompletely out of it, I said "It's nothing, I just found it and put it in my pocket." My father did my laundry, and he found the flyer in my pocket while collecting my dirty clothes. I was starting to feel so comfortable, I put a postcard for a future gay party in my pant pocket and took it home. I felt OK that my parents didn't know and may not ever know. Newly out, I attended my first gay bar with a friend and I slowly started to feel like I was getting to know the real me. After way too long hiding who I was, and some dangerous situations that tend to happen when you're trying to act on who you are, but don't have the reference or support to handle it. So, at first, when I was finally ready - on my 20th birthday - I began coming out to everyone but my family. Their attitudes also made me feel like the world would be just as hostile. I didn't know what allyship meant, but even so, I knew these people weren't allies, and I decided they were the last people I'd ever want to come out to. Meanwhile my mother would point at people she suspected were gay, and make a limp wrist gesture to me. My father said "faggot" and "queer" (pejoratively) with abandon, like when a ref made a bad call during a hockey game. And I was even awarded a medal for being an altar boy.īoth Amanda Jette Knox's partner and child have come out as trans, and the experience has been eye-opening for their family.Īs for my parents being homophobic, I had many reasons to suspect this as a child. Paul to the Corinthians coming from a mile away. I was so Catholic, I could sit, stand and genuflect on command. I was too terrified to tell them, mostly because I grew up Catholic. I didn't come out to my parents the way I wanted to. This story was updated as of October 7, 2021